Daydreaming

 Today I’m going to get a little personal. I think the relationship between myself and my blog could handle something like that, we’ve had a good run so far. Over Christmas break I did a lot of walking down memory lane – watching home videos, looking at scrapbooks, watching dance videos, talking with family, with friends and reading old journals – that sort of walking. It was a bittersweet feeling, there is so much I wish I could change or do slightly different but at the same time I was content knowing that that was my past and I am a better person for it. Except for maybe the mushroom hair cut my mother mercilessly imposed on me for the first 8 years of my life. I love you mom, but I don’t think that was ever in style. 

  I’ll save pondering the psychological side effects of that for another day 

But even though I’m so happy with the way things spanning junior high to college have turned out, I can’t help remembering daydreaming a different ending to some of it. My daydreams were mostly impossible, you can’t change what happened by simply imagining it, and yet a part of me always held on to some hope that just one time I would snap out of it, wake up and reality would have altered somehow. Then there were those moments where I did in fact wake up and life was how I dreamed it. Not often because how exciting would life really be if all we thought suddenly became a reality – it might actually be scary. Like a little princess in a children’s book my dreams came true. I could look out, in the palm of my hand or in one of those snow globes and see something truly magical.

Even through life’s pitfalls and drawbacks, I don’t think I’ll ever stop dreaming. Because as many times as I have woken up and life wasn’t a fairy tale or I fell short when I wanted to be perfect, real life would happen and it was sometimes better than my own human mind could even begin to imagine. Daydreaming was just a step for me to be ready for the unimaginable. It’s those moments that are the climax of the movie, my movie, and your movie. All the girls in the theater are holding their breath, guys are probably acting like it’s not affecting them, but secretly they have the same wishes for themselves and for a split second you see what you’ve always wanted to see. You’re the leading lady, finally, of your life movie and it’s more than you could ever want.

I can only imagine what dreams will come true, but in the mean time I really love what real life has given me. It was a nice walk, walking down memory lane.